Jelly Belly announces the tastier-way to five-a-day

peas and carrots jelly belly

Had enough of your grandma and all of those PhD “health experts” at the Centers for Disease Control clamping down on your 32 ounce soda and telling you that, yes, indeed, fruits and vegetables will really make you a lot healthier? Well…Jelly Belly has the answer you just might be looking for.

With green and orange colors, you know that this must be good for you.

According to a fictional source within Jelly Belly:

We know how people are. No one really wants fruits and vegetables,” said the fictional source. “But if we could offer something that had some of the elements of fruits and vegetables, maybe Moms would buy them for their kids…and then…hey, everyone wins, right?

Elements such as orange and green, just to clarify their statement…

The five-a-day program has been helping guide the nutritional and dietary decisions of average Americans in a direction that can greatly reduce disease and other health epidemics, like obesity. Jelly Belly just makes the program…more delicious!

jelly belly ingredients
Yu–ummm! Just look at all those ingredients. The more ingredients the better, right?

But it’s the ingredients that Jelly Belly is most proud of. Just like McDonald’s new vegetarian restaurant, where pronouncing the contents of the veggie burger is best left to linguists skilled in the art of inorganic chemistry, these fruits and vegetables contain a whole plethora of goodies…some of which probably have some nutritional benefit. See? There’s even some form of modified protein….real vegetables don’t contain genetically modified protein, so these treats not only taste like candy, they really deliver!

If you find this article humorous, yet also somewhat frightening, please learn more about food policy, and GET INVOLVED!

1 thought on “Jelly Belly announces the tastier-way to five-a-day”

  1. Hello Scott,

    Thanks a lot for this post. Really a praise worthy effort in promoting health through this jelly belly. The description you gave is good enough for anybody to go for it. Everybody wants to stay fit today and any such efforts will be adopted with delight.


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